| Irene: Roy, you recently authored an | | | | like putting a rudder on a boat that |
| interesting book called "Never Beat the Boss | | | | previously had no steering mechanism. Getting |
| at Horseshoes" - a book that is supposed to | | | | fired was only a glitch on my life's radar |
| help us recognize that life is a game. Tell | | | | screen because I knew what my life's purpose |
| us a little more insight into your | | | | was.Irene: Being a motivational speaker, you |
| concept.Roy: Remember how, as a child, you | | | | have traveled the world giving seminars and |
| were constantly reminded to "Play by the | | | | keynote speeches about universal truths. |
| rules" when you were involved in a game? | | | | Please give us some insight what these truths |
| It's interesting that The Oxford American | | | | are.Roy: A couple hundred years ago German |
| Writer's Thesaurus lists over five dozen | | | | philosopher Immanuel Kant suggested that we |
| synonyms for "rule", all of which can apply | | | | live our life as if our every act were to |
| in one way or another to the daily activities | | | | become a Universal Law. If I may be so bold, |
| of life. And what about the granddaddy of | | | | I suggest that doing so is impossible. There |
| rules, "The Golden Rule", that, | | | | can be no new Universal Law or Universal |
| unfortunately, not enough of us are willing | | | | Truths - there are certainly potential new |
| to embrace? | | | | perspectives on them, or perhaps different |
| | | | ways to present them, but the Laws (Truths) |
| Whether it be directive, order, act, law, | | | | themselves are timeless and timely. So my |
| decree, statute, canon, commandment, edict, | | | | recommendation would be that we live our life |
| ordinance or injunction, there are plenty of | | | | as if our every act conforms to, or is |
| "rules" that, at least nominally, are | | | | congruent with, a Universal Law.For example, |
| designed to provide guidance and a degree of | | | | no matter where I go, from Boise to Brazil, |
| order to our lives.All of the games we play, | | | | the Law of Attraction manifests itself. It |
| from the most chaotic "extreme sports", to | | | | says simply that we will bring into our lives |
| the more civilized games like chess, to the | | | | people, circumstances and events that |
| more "proper" sports of, say, polo and | | | | correspond to our dominant way of thinking. |
| cricket, are governed, at least in theory, by | | | | We see evidence of this all the time - have |
| rules. But do you remember the first time you | | | | you noticed how negative people tend to |
| declared, "Rules are meant to be broken?" And | | | | attract to themselves other negative people? |
| though all games have their dominant players, | | | | And we're all familiar with the |
| nobody wins all the time. Games, by | | | | "self-fulfilling prophecy." Now I'm not |
| definition, will produce winners and losers, | | | | suggesting that a good attitude, or "The |
| and the participants themselves determine | | | | Power of Positive Thinking", by themselves |
| which they will be.In life there are a | | | | will give us the wherewithal to do anything, |
| multitude of rules, some of which we may | | | | but they can help us do everything |
| choose to follow, some of which we may not. | | | | better.Other Universal Truths we see manifest |
| There is chaos and there is order. There are | | | | everywhere include the one Aristotle |
| winners and there are losers. There is | | | | introduced in 350B.C. Today it is referred |
| choice. In other words, life is a game, and | | | | to as the Law of Cause and Effect - |
| it's a whole lot more fun when you're doing | | | | everything happens for a reason. Neither |
| what it takes to win.Irene: Okay, so I'm a | | | | winning nor losing - in the game of |
| rebel at heart. I don't like "rules" so yes, | | | | horseshoes, or in the game of life, is |
| I do remember declaring "rules are meant to | | | | determined by luck or coincidence. Another |
| be broken" and I still declare the same. | | | | was paraphrased several years ago by popular |
| (laugh) What words of wisdom to you have for | | | | motivational speaker Zig Ziglar in his |
| me and all the others that feel the same?Roy: | | | | interpretation of The Law of Compensation. |
| There is a stop light at the end of our | | | | Zig put it simply this way, "You can have |
| street where it intersects with a four lane | | | | anything in life you want if you'll just help |
| road, and directly opposite our light is | | | | enough other people get what they want." The |
| another on the other side of the road. There | | | | caveat, of course, being that selfish gain |
| is probably a half-mile visibility in each | | | | not be the motivation. Quid-pro-quid does not |
| direction on the four lane. I am Amazed (with | | | | create winners in the game of life.Irene: |
| a capital A) when I approach that light at | | | | It's interesting to note Aristotle talked |
| 4:30 or 5:00 on the morning - which happens | | | | about Cause and Effect, yet 2500 years later |
| frequently as I head toward the airport - how | | | | we are still struggling with believing that |
| often I will see a car sitting there, waiting | | | | everything happens for a reason. I'm seeing |
| for the light to turn green before making a | | | | that in your own situation, if you didn't get |
| left hand turn, when there is not another | | | | fired, this book would not have been written. |
| vehicle anywhere in sight. Making that left | | | | I know that we both can come up with my |
| turn on red is against the traffic "rules" - | | | | situations that prove the Law. Why is it so |
| sitting there under those circumstances is to | | | | difficult for some people to believe in this |
| me, against the "rules" of logic!The | | | | particular Universal Law and attribute |
| waiting-for-the-light-to-turn person I just | | | | situations to luck, bad luck, or |
| cited also is violating what I would call the | | | | coincidence?Roy: The best definition of |
| "rule" of common sense. I'm not saying he or | | | | "luck" I've ever seen is "Luck is where |
| she doesn't have any common sense. In fact, | | | | preparation and opportunity intersect." My |
| they probably have quite a bit, since they've | | | | wife Bonnie wins a lot of contests and |
| obviously chosen not to use much of it! So, | | | | sweepstakes. Friends say to her, "You are so |
| Irene, for you and all your fellow rebels, I | | | | lucky. I never win anything." Bonnie will |
| say, "Go for it!!"Irene: What inspired you | | | | frequently reply with, |
| to write this book?Roy: In 1996 my first | | | | |
| book, The Care and Keeping of Customers, was | | | | "Do you ever enter these contests?" and |
| published. It contains over 80 specific | | | | invariably the response will be, "No, 'cause |
| things that an organization of any size or | | | | I have such bad luck - I never win." Bonnie |
| type can do to improve its relationship with | | | | and her friends both have the opportunity to |
| its customers, both internal and external. It | | | | win, but Bonnie prepares to win by entering. |
| was based upon the over twenty years of | | | | And I sincerely believe that expectation |
| hands-on, real life customer service | | | | plays a role as well. As Henry Ford said, "If |
| experiences I had up until then. I had a | | | | you think you can, or if you think you can't, |
| message to share that might help other | | | | you're right."And blaming negative situations |
| organizations and I wanted to share it. | | | | on coincidence or bad luck is so much easier, |
| | | | not only because no work is required to |
| Ten years later I realized that I had over | | | | prepare, but because it's so much easier to |
| five decades of real-life, hands-on | | | | "rationalize" failure. Do you see "rational |
| experience in life, and that I had a message | | | | lies" in that word?Irene: You encourage |
| to share that might help other people and I | | | | readers of "Never Beat the Boss at |
| wanted to share it. Many years ago I | | | | Horseshoes" to take 100% responsibility for |
| committed to paper a statement of purpose for | | | | their own success. That's pretty humbling. |
| my being on the planet..."to use my optimism | | | | How do you suggest we do that?Roy: Irene, it |
| and enthusiasm to teach and inspire others, | | | | is very simple. Simple, but not easy! In |
| so that the world of all those whose lives I | | | | fact, it can be one of the most daunting |
| touch, directly and indirectly, will be a | | | | challenges we face in playing the game of |
| better one". Never Beat the Boss at | | | | life. Look carefully at the word |
| Horseshoes...102 Ways to Pitch Ringer after | | | | "responsibility" - it almost looks like |
| Ringer in the Game of Life is a way to help | | | | "response-ability", or "respond-ability", |
| me fulfill that purpose.Irene: Your statement | | | | doesn't it? Certainly we are not responsible |
| of purpose is very dynamic. Tell us about | | | | for everything that happens in our lives; I |
| the importance of having a statement of | | | | am no more responsible for being fired after |
| purpose.Roy: I remember the question and | | | | that horseshoe game than I am for the tides. |
| answer section of the "Baltimore Catechism" | | | | But I am responsible for how I choose to view |
| that for years and years was used in | | | | the event. In other words, we can't always |
| parochial schools. It asked the question | | | | control what happens in our lives, but we can |
| "What is your purpose in life?" And I vividly | | | | control our response.Irene: It's much easier |
| remember the answer - "To know, love, and | | | | to blame someone else if things aren't going |
| serve God." That answer saw me through the | | | | how we had planned it and not be in touch |
| formative years, though as I grew older I | | | | with being responsible for our own feelings. |
| realized that it wasn't enough. It remains | | | | And, sometimes the response gets us into more |
| for me a vitally important component of why | | | | trouble. How do we change our attitude when |
| I'm here, but it's no longer nearly specific | | | | one way of thinking has been ingrained for so |
| enough. Indeed, my feeling is that "To know | | | | long?Roy: I define attitude as how we see |
| love, and serve God" would be a noble | | | | life from within and how we choose to |
| ambition for all six billion of us sharing | | | | respond.In our seminars, I frequently ask |
| this wonderful planet. But I also feel that | | | | participants to write the word attitude. No |
| we all have a specific purpose that is not | | | | big deal, and they all accomplish the task |
| universally shared. Others may have a similar | | | | without comment. I then ask them to put their |
| purpose, but our individual reason for being | | | | pen in their other hand and write the word |
| here is for us to discover.Irene: In what | | | | attitude - Wow, what a change in response! |
| ways could we bring our attention to really | | | | Some even say, "I can't do it." When I ask |
| finding our purpose in life when sometimes we | | | | why it was so much harder the second time to |
| are scattered or feel defeated?Roy: | | | | write attitude, the universal response is |
| Discovering (or perhaps uncovering - it is | | | | "We've always done it this way", or, "We've |
| there - we need only to find it) our purpose | | | | never done it that way before."Now think back |
| is one of the most meaningful activities in | | | | to our earlier discussion of responsibility - |
| which we can engage. It makes setting goals | | | | that we can't always control what happens in |
| so much easier - we need only ask if a | | | | our lives, but we can control our response. |
| proposed goal is congruent with our purpose. | | | | Couple this with the definition of attitude |
| If so, it's probably a good goal.In The Power | | | | as a choice, and we have an answer to your |
| of Purpose, author Richard J. Leider makes | | | | question. Attitudes can change the moment we |
| this important observation, "Our purpose | | | | realize that we can control our response to |
| starts with the acceptance of the basic truth | | | | every situation in our lives.Irene: M. Scott |
| that who we are and what we do does make a | | | | Peck wrote "Sometimes the only solution to a |
| difference." Once that truth is accepted, you | | | | problem is that there is no solution." Our |
| can begin to identifying your purpose. Start | | | | society is very solution oriented and Peck's |
| by listing your unique personal qualities. | | | | statement is hard to grasp. Mind you, he |
| Are you......tolerant, patient, courageous, | | | | wrote it many years ago. How do you propose |
| kind, assertive, persuasive, committed, | | | | that we accept there just may not be a |
| responsible, responsive, caring, creative, | | | | solution to the problem?Roy: The first |
| trusting, empathetic, intelligent, decisive, | | | | chapter of Never Beat the Boss... is entitled |
| humorous, self-reliant, knowledgeable, kind, | | | | "Put It in Perspective".Is the "problem" |
| persistent, dynamic, wise, organized, honest, | | | | truly a "problem?" Many people employ a |
| resourceful?This is not the time to be humble | | | | concept known as re-labeling when evaluating |
| - list all your unique positive personal | | | | a problem, and substitute another label. |
| qualities. We call these the "I AM" words.Now | | | | "Challenge", "situation", "concern" and |
| list how you could express those unique | | | | "issue" are all words that can help to |
| positive personal qualities. We call these | | | | mitigate certain dilemmas. I don't mean to |
| the "I CAN" words. Can you......initiate, | | | | sound Pollyanna - certainly there are very |
| teach, help, show, support, develop, advise, | | | | real problems we all face that no amount of |
| plan, produce, lead, inspire, solve, | | | | word-smithing is going to solve. Obviously a |
| persuade, create, establish, implement, | | | | terminal illness is a challenge and a concern |
| organize, influence, motivate, care, | | | | and an issue, but above all, it is a very |
| identify, communicate, guide, promote, | | | | real problem.Several years ago insurance guru |
| articulate, foster, visualize, manage, | | | | A.L. Williams wrote a book called, All You |
| direct, encourage?Now take one or two or | | | | Can Do Is All You Can Do. There is genuine |
| three "I AM" words and combine them with "I | | | | wisdom in that. There are times when we've |
| CAN" words to begin to develop your statement | | | | exhausted everything we can do to find a |
| of purpose. I've already shared mine, and | | | | solution, and yet the problem remains. This |
| here is a couple more to use as examples:"My | | | | is when, with M. Scott Peck's observation in |
| purpose in life is to demonstrate through | | | | mind, we need to recall my earlier assertion |
| example and teaching the way a responsible | | | | that although we can't always control what |
| person should live and to influence all those | | | | happens, we can control our response.Irene: |
| I work with to emulate that example.""My | | | | You stress clear communication at all times. |
| purpose in life is to use my life's | | | | Sometimes we think we are communicating |
| experiences and beliefs to help my kids and | | | | clearly but the other person just doesn't |
| their kids to become contributing, happy, | | | | seem to be on the same page as we are. Do you |
| positive people."Irene: You relate life to a | | | | have any clear cut suggestions of how we can |
| game of horseshoes. Why horseshoes and not | | | | be sure the other person hears what we are |
| baseball or football?Roy: Great question, | | | | saying?Roy: In 1979, at UCLA, Professor |
| Irene. Horseshoes chose itself as my metaphor | | | | Albert Mehrabian published the results of his |
| for the game of life! I started my business, | | | | landmark study in communication. It is still |
| Roy Lantz Seminars, in 1986 and in 1996 we | | | | the benchmark for understanding how people |
| signed an agreement to do international | | | | communicate, and it gives a clear insight |
| contract speaking for a Norwegian company | | | | into the answer to your question. He found |
| with an Atlanta office. In June of that year | | | | that when we are talking to another person, |
| we had a company picnic at the wonderful | | | | only 7% of what they hear us say is our |
| Stone Mountain Park, just outside Atlanta. | | | | words. Fully 38% of what they hear is our |
| Everyone was having a great time, but | | | | tone of voice, and 55% of the message |
| occasionally I'd see a co-worker slink | | | | conveyed is our body language! In other words |
| sullenly, or angrily, or confused (but never | | | | the old saying, "It's not what you say, but |
| smiling) from the area of the horseshoe pits. | | | | how you say it", is more than just an old |
| Finally, I stopped one of them and asked him | | | | saying. You need only to recall a childhood |
| what was going on down there. It seems that | | | | game of "Simon Says" to know this is |
| the boss, a tall, strapping Norwegian, was | | | | true.With that in mind, there are certain |
| badly beating all who dared take him on in a | | | | clear cut things we can do to facilitate true |
| game of horseshoes. And, even more | | | | communication (The best definition of |
| infuriating, his attitude in victory was | | | | communication I've ever seen, by the way, is |
| apparently not as gracious as it might have | | | | "to give and get understanding")...*always |
| been.Now, I'm not the world's greatest | | | | make eye contact*paraphrase what you think |
| horseshoe player, but I'd been playing in my | | | | you heard the other person saying*use verbal |
| back yard for twenty years, so I had a pretty | | | | support - "yes", "I understand", Uh, huh", |
| good game. Hating to see my friends | | | | etc.*use non-verbal support - the slight |
| depressed, and, as a former Marine, | | | | nodding of the head, slightly leaning |
| ever-cognizant of National Pride, I decided | | | | forward, etc.*ask questions*use the "Echo" |
| to take the boss on. And take him on I did! | | | | technique - repeating the last word or phrase |
| Much to the delight of my co-workers, I | | | | they used*maintain an open body |
| handily beat the boss at horseshoes. This was | | | | position*observe their body language as well |
| on a Saturday.The following Friday he fired | | | | - are they doing these things?Let me suggest, |
| me! Now I don't know that my unfortunate fall | | | | too, a great sales technique that works in |
| from grace was caused by the horseshoe | | | | all one-on-one communication efforts - WII-FM |
| incident (though he was pretty upset...), but | | | | - What's in it for me? Imagine the other |
| I do know that I had the perfect metaphor and | | | | person is wearing an invisible head-set tuned |
| title for my book!Irene: It sounds like | | | | to WII-FM. You must broadcast on that |
| getting fired was the best thing that could | | | | frequency - let them know why it's important |
| have happened to you. It gave you the | | | | to them to listen to you.Irene: Thank you so |
| opportunity to go forward in a direction that | | | | much for a very interesting discussion. Is |
| may not have happened if you didn't get fired | | | | there anything else that you would like our |
| - you may still have been "stuck" doing the | | | | readers to know about you, and your book?Roy: |
| same thing over and over again, expecting | | | | Thank you, Irene. This has been great! I |
| different results. Aside from getting | | | | really would encourage your readers to visit |
| "fired," what other ways can a person | | | | for a couple of reasons. One is to experience |
| redirect their course in life?Roy: One of | | | | the QUOTE-avation of the day (That's a |
| the most powerful ways is to do the exercise | | | | quotation that provides inspiration and |
| we just discussed and begin to think in terms | | | | motivation - they must provide the |
| of their purpose. Once a person begins to | | | | perspiration!), and the other is that there |
| believe that they are here for a reason and | | | | are a number of articles there that may be of |
| then begins to identify that reason, it's | | | | interest. |