| Irene: Roy, you recently authored an interesting book | | | | was only a glitch on my life's radar screen because I |
| called "Never Beat the Boss at Horseshoes" - a book | | | | knew what my life's purpose was.Irene: Being a |
| that is supposed to help us recognize that life is a | | | | motivational speaker, you have traveled the world |
| game. Tell us a little more insight into your | | | | giving seminars and keynote speeches about |
| concept.Roy: Remember how, as a child, you were | | | | universal truths. Please give us some insight what |
| constantly reminded to "Play by the rules" when you | | | | these truths are.Roy: A couple hundred years ago |
| were involved in a game? It's interesting that The | | | | German philosopher Immanuel Kant suggested that |
| Oxford American Writer's Thesaurus lists over five | | | | we live our life as if our every act were to become |
| dozen synonyms for "rule", all of which can apply in | | | | a Universal Law. If I may be so bold, I suggest that |
| one way or another to the daily activities of life. And | | | | doing so is impossible. There can be no new Universal |
| what about the granddaddy of rules, "The Golden | | | | Law or Universal Truths - there are certainly potential |
| Rule", that, unfortunately, not enough of us are willing | | | | new perspectives on them, or perhaps different |
| to embrace? | | | | ways to present them, but the Laws (Truths) |
| Whether it be directive, order, act, law, decree, | | | | themselves are timeless and timely. So my |
| statute, canon, commandment, edict, ordinance or | | | | recommendation would be that we live our life as if |
| injunction, there are plenty of "rules" that, at least | | | | our every act conforms to, or is congruent with, a |
| nominally, are designed to provide guidance and a | | | | Universal Law.For example, no matter where I go, |
| degree of order to our lives.All of the games we | | | | from Boise to Brazil, the Law of Attraction manifests |
| play, from the most chaotic "extreme sports", to the | | | | itself. It says simply that we will bring into our lives |
| more civilized games like chess, to the more "proper" | | | | people, circumstances and events that correspond to |
| sports of, say, polo and cricket, are governed, at | | | | our dominant way of thinking. We see evidence of |
| least in theory, by rules. But do you remember the | | | | this all the time - have you noticed how negative |
| first time you declared, "Rules are meant to be | | | | people tend to attract to themselves other negative |
| broken?" And though all games have their dominant | | | | people? And we're all familiar with the "self-fulfilling |
| players, nobody wins all the time. Games, by | | | | prophecy." Now I'm not suggesting that a good |
| definition, will produce winners and losers, and the | | | | attitude, or "The Power of Positive Thinking", by |
| participants themselves determine which they will | | | | themselves will give us the wherewithal to do |
| be.In life there are a multitude of rules, some of | | | | anything, but they can help us do everything |
| which we may choose to follow, some of which we | | | | better.Other Universal Truths we see manifest |
| may not. There is chaos and there is order. There | | | | everywhere include the one Aristotle introduced in |
| are winners and there are losers. There is choice. In | | | | 350B.C. Today it is referred to as the Law of Cause |
| other words, life is a game, and it's a whole lot more | | | | and Effect - everything happens for a reason. Neither |
| fun when you're doing what it takes to win.Irene: | | | | winning nor losing - in the game of horseshoes, or in |
| Okay, so I'm a rebel at heart. I don't like "rules" so | | | | the game of life, is determined by luck or coincidence. |
| yes, I do remember declaring "rules are meant to be | | | | Another was paraphrased several years ago by |
| broken" and I still declare the same. (laugh) What | | | | popular motivational speaker Zig Ziglar in his |
| words of wisdom to you have for me and all the | | | | interpretation of The Law of Compensation. Zig put it |
| others that feel the same?Roy: There is a stop light | | | | simply this way, "You can have anything in life you |
| at the end of our street where it intersects with a | | | | want if you'll just help enough other people get what |
| four lane road, and directly opposite our light is | | | | they want." The caveat, of course, being that selfish |
| another on the other side of the road. There is | | | | gain not be the motivation. Quid-pro-quid does not |
| probably a half-mile visibility in each direction on the | | | | create winners in the game of life.Irene: It's |
| four lane. I am Amazed (with a capital A) when I | | | | interesting to note Aristotle talked about Cause and |
| approach that light at 4:30 or 5:00 on the morning - | | | | Effect, yet 2500 years later we are still struggling |
| which happens frequently as I head toward the | | | | with believing that everything happens for a reason. |
| airport - how often I will see a car sitting there, | | | | I'm seeing that in your own situation, if you didn't get |
| waiting for the light to turn green before making a | | | | fired, this book would not have been written. I know |
| left hand turn, when there is not another vehicle | | | | that we both can come up with my situations that |
| anywhere in sight. Making that left turn on red is | | | | prove the Law. Why is it so difficult for some people |
| against the traffic "rules" - sitting there under those | | | | to believe in this particular Universal Law and attribute |
| circumstances is to me, against the "rules" of | | | | situations to luck, bad luck, or coincidence?Roy: The |
| logic!The waiting-for-the-light-to-turn person I just | | | | best definition of "luck" I've ever seen is "Luck is |
| cited also is violating what I would call the "rule" of | | | | where preparation and opportunity intersect." My |
| common sense. I'm not saying he or she doesn't | | | | wife Bonnie wins a lot of contests and sweepstakes. |
| have any common sense. In fact, they probably have | | | | Friends say to her, "You are so lucky. I never win |
| quite a bit, since they've obviously chosen not to use | | | | anything." Bonnie will frequently reply with, |
| much of it! So, Irene, for you and all your fellow | | | | "Do you ever enter these contests?" and invariably |
| rebels, I say, "Go for it!!"Irene: What inspired you to | | | | the response will be, "No, 'cause I have such bad luck |
| write this book?Roy: In 1996 my first book, The | | | | - I never win." Bonnie and her friends both have the |
| Care and Keeping of Customers, was published. It | | | | opportunity to win, but Bonnie prepares to win by |
| contains over 80 specific things that an organization | | | | entering. And I sincerely believe that expectation |
| of any size or type can do to improve its relationship | | | | plays a role as well. As Henry Ford said, "If you think |
| with its customers, both internal and external. It was | | | | you can, or if you think you can't, you're right."And |
| based upon the over twenty years of hands-on, real | | | | blaming negative situations on coincidence or bad luck |
| life customer service experiences I had up until then. | | | | is so much easier, not only because no work is |
| I had a message to share that might help other | | | | required to prepare, but because it's so much easier |
| organizations and I wanted to share it. | | | | to "rationalize" failure. Do you see "rational lies" in that |
| Ten years later I realized that I had over five | | | | word?Irene: You encourage readers of "Never Beat |
| decades of real-life, hands-on experience in life, and | | | | the Boss at Horseshoes" to take 100% responsibility |
| that I had a message to share that might help other | | | | for their own success. That's pretty humbling. How |
| people and I wanted to share it. Many years ago I | | | | do you suggest we do that?Roy: Irene, it is very |
| committed to paper a statement of purpose for my | | | | simple. Simple, but not easy! In fact, it can be one of |
| being on the planet..."to use my optimism and | | | | the most daunting challenges we face in playing the |
| enthusiasm to teach and inspire others, so that the | | | | game of life. Look carefully at the word |
| world of all those whose lives I touch, directly and | | | | "responsibility" - it almost looks like "response-ability", |
| indirectly, will be a better one". Never Beat the Boss | | | | or "respond-ability", doesn't it? Certainly we are not |
| at Horseshoes...102 Ways to Pitch Ringer after Ringer | | | | responsible for everything that happens in our lives; I |
| in the Game of Life is a way to help me fulfill that | | | | am no more responsible for being fired after that |
| purpose.Irene: Your statement of purpose is very | | | | horseshoe game than I am for the tides. But I am |
| dynamic. Tell us about the importance of having a | | | | responsible for how I choose to view the event. In |
| statement of purpose.Roy: I remember the question | | | | other words, we can't always control what happens |
| and answer section of the "Baltimore Catechism" that | | | | in our lives, but we can control our response.Irene: |
| for years and years was used in parochial schools. It | | | | It's much easier to blame someone else if things |
| asked the question "What is your purpose in life?" | | | | aren't going how we had planned it and not be in |
| And I vividly remember the answer - "To know, love, | | | | touch with being responsible for our own feelings. |
| and serve God." That answer saw me through the | | | | And, sometimes the response gets us into more |
| formative years, though as I grew older I realized | | | | trouble. How do we change our attitude when one |
| that it wasn't enough. It remains for me a vitally | | | | way of thinking has been ingrained for so long?Roy: I |
| important component of why I'm here, but it's no | | | | define attitude as how we see life from within and |
| longer nearly specific enough. Indeed, my feeling is | | | | how we choose to respond.In our seminars, I |
| that "To know love, and serve God" would be a | | | | frequently ask participants to write the word |
| noble ambition for all six billion of us sharing this | | | | attitude. No big deal, and they all accomplish the task |
| wonderful planet. But I also feel that we all have a | | | | without comment. I then ask them to put their pen |
| specific purpose that is not universally shared. Others | | | | in their other hand and write the word attitude - |
| may have a similar purpose, but our individual reason | | | | Wow, what a change in response! Some even say, "I |
| for being here is for us to discover.Irene: In what | | | | can't do it." When I ask why it was so much harder |
| ways could we bring our attention to really finding | | | | the second time to write attitude, the universal |
| our purpose in life when sometimes we are scattered | | | | response is "We've always done it this way", or, |
| or feel defeated?Roy: Discovering (or perhaps | | | | "We've never done it that way before."Now think |
| uncovering - it is there - we need only to find it) our | | | | back to our earlier discussion of responsibility - that |
| purpose is one of the most meaningful activities in | | | | we can't always control what happens in our lives, |
| which we can engage. It makes setting goals so | | | | but we can control our response. Couple this with the |
| much easier - we need only ask if a proposed goal is | | | | definition of attitude as a choice, and we have an |
| congruent with our purpose. If so, it's probably a | | | | answer to your question. Attitudes can change the |
| good goal.In The Power of Purpose, author Richard J. | | | | moment we realize that we can control our response |
| Leider makes this important observation, "Our | | | | to every situation in our lives.Irene: M. Scott Peck |
| purpose starts with the acceptance of the basic | | | | wrote "Sometimes the only solution to a problem is |
| truth that who we are and what we do does make | | | | that there is no solution." Our society is very solution |
| a difference." Once that truth is accepted, you can | | | | oriented and Peck's statement is hard to grasp. Mind |
| begin to identifying your purpose. Start by listing your | | | | you, he wrote it many years ago. How do you |
| unique personal qualities. Are you......tolerant, patient, | | | | propose that we accept there just may not be a |
| courageous, kind, assertive, persuasive, committed, | | | | solution to the problem?Roy: The first chapter of |
| responsible, responsive, caring, creative, trusting, | | | | Never Beat the Boss... is entitled "Put It in |
| empathetic, intelligent, decisive, humorous, self-reliant, | | | | Perspective".Is the "problem" truly a "problem?" Many |
| knowledgeable, kind, persistent, dynamic, wise, | | | | people employ a concept known as re-labeling when |
| organized, honest, resourceful?This is not the time to | | | | evaluating a problem, and substitute another label. |
| be humble - list all your unique positive personal | | | | "Challenge", "situation", "concern" and "issue" are all |
| qualities. We call these the "I AM" words.Now list how | | | | words that can help to mitigate certain dilemmas. I |
| you could express those unique positive personal | | | | don't mean to sound Pollyanna - certainly there are |
| qualities. We call these the "I CAN" words. Can | | | | very real problems we all face that no amount of |
| you......initiate, teach, help, show, support, develop, | | | | word-smithing is going to solve. Obviously a terminal |
| advise, plan, produce, lead, inspire, solve, persuade, | | | | illness is a challenge and a concern and an issue, but |
| create, establish, implement, organize, influence, | | | | above all, it is a very real problem.Several years ago |
| motivate, care, identify, communicate, guide, | | | | insurance guru A.L. Williams wrote a book called, All |
| promote, articulate, foster, visualize, manage, direct, | | | | You Can Do Is All You Can Do. There is genuine |
| encourage?Now take one or two or three "I AM" | | | | wisdom in that. There are times when we've |
| words and combine them with "I CAN" words to | | | | exhausted everything we can do to find a solution, |
| begin to develop your statement of purpose. I've | | | | and yet the problem remains. This is when, with M. |
| already shared mine, and here is a couple more to | | | | Scott Peck's observation in mind, we need to recall |
| use as examples:"My purpose in life is to demonstrate | | | | my earlier assertion that although we can't always |
| through example and teaching the way a responsible | | | | control what happens, we can control our |
| person should live and to influence all those I work | | | | response.Irene: You stress clear communication at all |
| with to emulate that example.""My purpose in life is | | | | times. Sometimes we think we are communicating |
| to use my life's experiences and beliefs to help my | | | | clearly but the other person just doesn't seem to be |
| kids and their kids to become contributing, happy, | | | | on the same page as we are. Do you have any clear |
| positive people."Irene: You relate life to a game of | | | | cut suggestions of how we can be sure the other |
| horseshoes. Why horseshoes and not baseball or | | | | person hears what we are saying?Roy: In 1979, at |
| football?Roy: Great question, Irene. Horseshoes chose | | | | UCLA, Professor Albert Mehrabian published the |
| itself as my metaphor for the game of life! I started | | | | results of his landmark study in communication. It is |
| my business, Roy Lantz Seminars, in 1986 and in 1996 | | | | still the benchmark for understanding how people |
| we signed an agreement to do international contract | | | | communicate, and it gives a clear insight into the |
| speaking for a Norwegian company with an Atlanta | | | | answer to your question. He found that when we |
| office. In June of that year we had a company picnic | | | | are talking to another person, only 7% of what they |
| at the wonderful Stone Mountain Park, just outside | | | | hear us say is our words. Fully 38% of what they |
| Atlanta. Everyone was having a great time, but | | | | hear is our tone of voice, and 55% of the message |
| occasionally I'd see a co-worker slink sullenly, or | | | | conveyed is our body language! In other words the |
| angrily, or confused (but never smiling) from the area | | | | old saying, "It's not what you say, but how you say |
| of the horseshoe pits. Finally, I stopped one of them | | | | it", is more than just an old saying. You need only to |
| and asked him what was going on down there. It | | | | recall a childhood game of "Simon Says" to know this |
| seems that the boss, a tall, strapping Norwegian, was | | | | is true.With that in mind, there are certain clear cut |
| badly beating all who dared take him on in a game of | | | | things we can do to facilitate true communication |
| horseshoes. And, even more infuriating, his attitude in | | | | (The best definition of communication I've ever seen, |
| victory was apparently not as gracious as it might | | | | by the way, is "to give and get |
| have been.Now, I'm not the world's greatest | | | | understanding")...*always make eye |
| horseshoe player, but I'd been playing in my back | | | | contact*paraphrase what you think you heard the |
| yard for twenty years, so I had a pretty good game. | | | | other person saying*use verbal support - "yes", "I |
| Hating to see my friends depressed, and, as a | | | | understand", Uh, huh", etc.*use non-verbal support - |
| former Marine, ever-cognizant of National Pride, I | | | | the slight nodding of the head, slightly leaning |
| decided to take the boss on. And take him on I did! | | | | forward, etc.*ask questions*use the "Echo" technique |
| Much to the delight of my co-workers, I handily beat | | | | - repeating the last word or phrase they |
| the boss at horseshoes. This was on a Saturday.The | | | | used*maintain an open body position*observe their |
| following Friday he fired me! Now I don't know that | | | | body language as well - are they doing these |
| my unfortunate fall from grace was caused by the | | | | things?Let me suggest, too, a great sales technique |
| horseshoe incident (though he was pretty upset...), | | | | that works in all one-on-one communication efforts - |
| but I do know that I had the perfect metaphor and | | | | WII-FM - What's in it for me? Imagine the other |
| title for my book!Irene: It sounds like getting fired | | | | person is wearing an invisible head-set tuned to |
| was the best thing that could have happened to you. | | | | WII-FM. You must broadcast on that frequency - let |
| It gave you the opportunity to go forward in a | | | | them know why it's important to them to listen to |
| direction that may not have happened if you didn't | | | | you.Irene: Thank you so much for a very interesting |
| get fired - you may still have been "stuck" doing the | | | | discussion. Is there anything else that you would like |
| same thing over and over again, expecting different | | | | our readers to know about you, and your book?Roy: |
| results. Aside from getting "fired," what other ways | | | | Thank you, Irene. This has been great! I really would |
| can a person redirect their course in life?Roy: One of | | | | encourage your readers to visit for a couple of |
| the most powerful ways is to do the exercise we | | | | reasons. One is to experience the QUOTE-avation of |
| just discussed and begin to think in terms of their | | | | the day (That's a quotation that provides inspiration |
| purpose. Once a person begins to believe that they | | | | and motivation - they must provide the perspiration!), |
| are here for a reason and then begins to identify | | | | and the other is that there are a number of articles |
| that reason, it's like putting a rudder on a boat that | | | | there that may be of interest. |
| previously had no steering mechanism. Getting fired | | | | |