| Being a branding guy is enough to drive you nuts. | | | | 500, or - in drastic cases - turned off the tube. Back |
| One reason why it can make you crazy is that | | | | then, you could pretty well rely on the fact that |
| people will ask for your advice - and pay decent | | | | more guys than girls would be watching Gunsmoke, |
| dollars for it. I , might add - only to ignore you and | | | | and that viewers of the Lawrance Welk Show could |
| the advice they paid for. | | | | qualify as certified antiques. |
| It's not that these are disagreeable people, mind you. | | | | But the web has at least 40 bazillion channels, each |
| These are simply people who refuse to accept how | | | | uploading its own show every five nanosecond - |
| profoundly the web has changed marketing and | | | | each viewable at any time of the day. Which means |
| banding strategies. Sure, everyone has their own | | | | that even members of a well-defined demographic |
| theories about how to promote their business on the | | | | group pursue their own individual interests, whenever |
| web, but by far, the most whacked out are the | | | | and wherever they choose. What it means is that |
| Number Nuts. | | | | real strategy for marketing on the web is |
| At the risk of generating a few hundred thousand | | | | psychographics. |
| nasty e-mails, allow me to explain. Adnan's Second | | | | Psychographics are way cooler than demos, because |
| Law of Corporate Motivation clearly states that, "90 | | | | psychos toss out all that fake number stuff that's |
| percent of the world is driven by fear, while the | | | | really only meant to justify people's jobs. When you |
| remaining 10 percent puts fear into the first 90 | | | | go psycho, you don't worry about how many girls in |
| percent". Number Nuts fall into the first 90 percent, | | | | Wisconsin are between the ages of 18 and 24. You |
| who figure if they bolster their delusional strategies | | | | get much, much more closer to your audience's |
| with enough numbers, they won't lose their jobs | | | | brains, by murmuring to yourself, for example, |
| because they can always blame bad data. | | | | "Hmmm, if I want to reach people who enjoy eating |
| Ah I can tell by the twinkle in your eye that you can | | | | chocolate in bed, where would I find them?" |
| already identify at least six of them in your office, | | | | Then you start sponsoring and crosspromoting on |
| right? For that reason, most Number Nuts (typically | | | | chocolate sites. Bed sites. Maybe even toffee and |
| escaped inmates from large ad or media agencies) | | | | pillow sites. The point is that because the web is so |
| cling to outmoded techniques such as demographics | | | | niched, its users flock to their own interests, making |
| for marketing on the web. | | | | them much easier to target and sell. |
| Demographics is the practice of dumping people's | | | | Don't forget, too, that being interactive, |
| characteristics into quantifiable categories and then | | | | psychographically matched people are far more likely |
| basing your strategy on those numbers. It could be | | | | to exchange referrals and interact with each other. |
| "white, male mental patients between the ages of 26 | | | | That's the reason why I almost always recommend |
| and 34" or "female psychiatrists in the Detroit area | | | | choosing psychographics over demographics on the |
| over the age of 40". You get the idea. | | | | web. Oh, the Number Nuts will still try to dazzle you |
| The problem with demographics is that it worked for | | | | with all sorts of data. But believe me, only one |
| the TV shows like Bewitched. After all, there were, | | | | number that really counts: your ad-to-sales ratio. My |
| what, eight channels for 150 million people in those | | | | advice is to go psycho. It's the one sure way to |
| days? You either watched Bozo, returns of Fireball | | | | preserve your sanity. |