| Being a branding guy is enough to drive you | | | | watched Bozo, returns of Fireball 500, or - |
| nuts. One reason why it can make you crazy is | | | | in drastic cases - turned off the tube. Back |
| that people will ask for your advice - and | | | | then, you could pretty well rely on the fact |
| pay decent dollars for it. I , might add - | | | | that more guys than girls would be watching |
| only to ignore you and the advice they paid | | | | Gunsmoke, and that viewers of the Lawrance |
| for. | | | | Welk Show could qualify as certified |
| | | | antiques. |
| It's not that these are disagreeable people, | | | | |
| mind you. These are simply people who refuse | | | | But the web has at least 40 bazillion |
| to accept how profoundly the web has changed | | | | channels, each uploading its own show every |
| marketing and banding strategies. Sure, | | | | five nanosecond - each viewable at any time |
| everyone has their own theories about how to | | | | of the day. Which means that even members of |
| promote their business on the web, but by | | | | a well-defined demographic group pursue their |
| far, the most whacked out are the Number | | | | own individual interests, whenever and |
| Nuts. | | | | wherever they choose. What it means is that |
| | | | real strategy for marketing on the web is |
| At the risk of generating a few hundred | | | | psychographics. |
| thousand nasty e-mails, allow me to explain. | | | | |
| Adnan's Second Law of Corporate Motivation | | | | Psychographics are way cooler than demos, |
| clearly states that, "90 percent of the world | | | | because psychos toss out all that fake number |
| is driven by fear, while the remaining 10 | | | | stuff that's really only meant to justify |
| percent puts fear into the first 90 percent". | | | | people's jobs. When you go psycho, you don't |
| Number Nuts fall into the first 90 percent, | | | | worry about how many girls in Wisconsin are |
| who figure if they bolster their delusional | | | | between the ages of 18 and 24. You get much, |
| strategies with enough numbers, they won't | | | | much more closer to your audience's brains, |
| lose their jobs because they can always blame | | | | by murmuring to yourself, for example, "Hmmm, |
| bad data. | | | | if I want to reach people who enjoy eating |
| | | | chocolate in bed, where would I find them?" |
| Ah I can tell by the twinkle in your eye that | | | | |
| you can already identify at least six of them | | | | Then you start sponsoring and crosspromoting |
| in your office, right? For that reason, most | | | | on chocolate sites. Bed sites. Maybe even |
| Number Nuts (typically escaped inmates from | | | | toffee and pillow sites. The point is that |
| large ad or media agencies) cling to outmoded | | | | because the web is so niched, its users flock |
| techniques such as demographics for marketing | | | | to their own interests, making them much |
| on the web. | | | | easier to target and sell. |
| | | | |
| Demographics is the practice of dumping | | | | Don't forget, too, that being interactive, |
| people's characteristics into quantifiable | | | | psychographically matched people are far more |
| categories and then basing your strategy on | | | | likely to exchange referrals and interact |
| those numbers. It could be "white, male | | | | with each other. That's the reason why I |
| mental patients between the ages of 26 and | | | | almost always recommend choosing |
| 34" or "female psychiatrists in the Detroit | | | | psychographics over demographics on the web. |
| area over the age of 40". You get the idea. | | | | Oh, the Number Nuts will still try to dazzle |
| | | | you with all sorts of data. But believe me, |
| The problem with demographics is that it | | | | only one number that really counts: your |
| worked for the TV shows like Bewitched. After | | | | ad-to-sales ratio. My advice is to go psycho. |
| all, there were, what, eight channels for 150 | | | | It's the one sure way to preserve your |
| million people in those days? You either | | | | sanity. |