| This story is Based on a gross exaggeration of a | | | | that tray, I might soon be running errands for her. |
| hypothetical situation. Any similarities to persons or | | | | But I had no choice. It was too late to go to another |
| events in your life is purely coincidental and rather | | | | party.Searching for the kitchen, I realized her |
| pathetic.We met at a party in an Upper East Side | | | | apartment was a lot bigger than I had imagined. |
| apartment. I was eating cheese, she was eating | | | | After circling through the dinette and study several |
| crackers. I offered her some of my cheese, she | | | | times, I finally stopped to ask for directions. The guy |
| offered me some of her crackers, and pretty soon | | | | who gave me directions, said he worked for the |
| we were both eating cheese and crackers.I gave her | | | | phone company and had been trying to find his way |
| that stupid line "Do you come here often?" She said, | | | | out of the apartment since he installed a phone in the |
| "Yes, every day." Shocked, I asked, "My god, is | | | | kitchen. I said, I didn't realize she had a new phone. |
| there a party here every day?" She said, "No, I live | | | | He said, it wasn't that new anymore -- he installed it |
| here."Feeling somewhat embarrassed that I was an | | | | three weeks ago.When I finally returned to the party |
| uninvited guest, although "uninvitees" at singles parties | | | | room with two big bottles of Coke, all the guests |
| are quite common, I said, "Your roommate invited | | | | had already left. She asked, "What took you so |
| me." She said, "I live alone." That didn't make me feel | | | | long?" I said, "I took the long route." She asked, |
| any better.But when she offered me another | | | | "Why?" I said, "I hate drilling through walls." She |
| cracker, I felt safe.As the party wore on, it became | | | | asked, "What am I going to do with two big bottles |
| obvious that this was no ordinary girl. She greeted | | | | of Coke now?" I said, "Well, if it's a space problem, I |
| her guests with the warmth and enthusiasm usually | | | | can take them home with me."Needless to say, the |
| seen only among married folks. For one terrifying | | | | situation was serious. Here we were with two big |
| moment I thought perhaps this was not a singles | | | | bottles of Coke and no guests to drink them. But, it's |
| party, after all. But when I overheard a small group | | | | these kind of grave predicaments which set my |
| of people discussing how they had just come from | | | | neurons, brain cells, and alpha waves into high gear. |
| two other parties, I knew I was at a singles | | | | Promptly, as though requiring no thought |
| gathering -- married folks don't go to three parties in | | | | whatsoever, I suggested, "Hey, why don't we sit |
| one night. One couch is all they need.I noticed the | | | | down and drink them up ourselves?" Her face lit up. |
| hostess carrying in a large tray of hors d'oeuvres | | | | But her grin worried me.For the next hour and a half, |
| with some difficulty. I rushed over and asked, "May I | | | | I was "force-fed" two huge bottles of Coke. It was |
| help?" She asked with a smile, "Eat or carry?" I | | | | an unusual hour and a half, to say the least. I drank, |
| answered with a chuckle, "Very funny, you don't | | | | she talked. Between gulps I had enough time to say, |
| expect me to carry that thing." We smiled and we | | | | "I understand."As I swallowed the last few drops, |
| chuckled.After helping her place the tray on a table, I | | | | dawn broke. With the rays of the morning sun |
| struck up a conversation. We found out we had a lot | | | | filtering in through the shades, we exchanged phone |
| in common. She was from San Diego, I was from | | | | numbers and I prepared to leave. She offered to |
| Brooklyn -- but we both hated Des Moine. She was a | | | | make breakfast. But after a "Coke transfusion," eggs |
| zoologist, I was a computer consultant -- but all her | | | | hardly seemed appetizing. So, not to offend her, I |
| monkeys were trained to read "hexadecimal dumps." | | | | said, "I'd love to, but I'm double parked."As we said |
| She liked flying, I liked water sports -- but we could | | | | good-by, we both knew we would be seeing a lot |
| have a great time in a life raft filled with helium. She | | | | more of each other in coming months. And so we |
| liked classical music, I liked punk rock -- but we could | | | | did. We had a long and meaningful relationship. |
| dye our hair green and listen to the Boston | | | | Actually, it was long. I'm not sure what it meant. But |
| Symphony Orchestra. She liked long, lavish, gourmet | | | | I learned a lesson from all this: Coke can keep you |
| meals - I liked breakfast in bed, lunch in bed, and | | | | awake all night.Josh Greenberger: A computer |
| supper in bed -- but, if we got married, we could | | | | consultant for over two decades, the author has |
| have a bed in the dining room and be together all | | | | developed software for such organizations as NASA's |
| day. I just can't begin to tell you how much we had | | | | Goddard Institute of Space Studies, AT&T, Charles |
| in common.As we spoke, I complimented her on her | | | | Schwab, Bell Laboratories and Chase Manhattan Bank. |
| rug. She said she didn't have a rug -- I was standing | | | | Since 1984, the author's literary works have |
| on her cat. I felt really stupid. Her cat felt a lot | | | | appeared in such periodicals as The New York Post, |
| worse.She asked if I could run into the kitchen and | | | | The Daily News, The Village Voice, The Jewish Press, |
| see if there was anymore soda in the fridge. I was | | | | and others. His articles have ranged from humor to |
| afraid this would happen. I knew if I helped her with | | | | scientific to topical events. Visit his site: shopndrop. |